Can We Rescue Anyone?
If you’re passing by a lake and see someone in the water struggling and calling for help, by all means help them.
If there is a dog lost on the highway and you can safely assist him off absolutely stop and help. If tourists in your home town are lost and asking for directions — direct them! This willingness to assist makes a good community and, occasionally, a Hero.
We love Heroes. The savior who, just as evil is about to triumph, rescues the girl or the good. Heroes overcome shortcomings to inspire inner strength. My first heroes were Wonder Woman and The Bionic Woman. As a small child I watched on my parent’s black and white TV. I loved these women. Through these characters I could stop bullets, force villains to spill the truth and leap over buildings in a single powerful hop. Not to mention the bionic hearing! Rescuers are both good and powerful which is exactly how I wanted to be.
In the real world, however, there is a fine line between ‘rescuing’ and ‘meddling.’
Rescue: Woman is thrown from boat. Coast Guard helicopter crew retrieves her from the water, saving her life.
Meddle: Woman is grieving lost relationship but not asking for help or advice specifically. Friend offers advice and is then self-righteous when woman doesn’t take it, souring the friendship.
I did a lot of well intended meddling before I figure that out. After years of rescuing family and friends to my own frustration and stagnation, I finally saw that I was ‘helping’ them at the cost of helping me.
Meddling distracts us from our own limitations because being important in people’s lives feels powerful.
Providing money, advice or assistance makes us feel needed and good about ourselves. Stepping in as the hero seems like contribution. Unconsciously, most meddlers are looking for validation, acceptance, loyalty, reciprocation or some other external validation. We are proving through our actions we are good people. The problem is, when you have to prove something it means part of you doesn’t believe it is true. Many truly wonderful, giving people are running around ‘rescuing’ because deep down they know they have something to give.
The way out of meddling and into your true hero’s journey, into the manifested union of your creativity, talents and abilities is through self-trust. When we stop proving we’re good, we can accept it as a core truth. When we accept our inherent value and worthiness (goodness) we naturally soften, ground and center.
Here is the magic understanding that liberates us from wasting our energy where it is not effective and frees us to truly contribute….
Most people don’t want your help or want it for the wrong reasons.
So although I received points for my generosity or good intentions when I ‘helped’ someone, the points were taken away by the drain on my energy. Also, what about that person’s lost opportunity to learn, grow or step up?
We can only truly be of service from a place of self-acceptance and inner alignment.
Imagine if every person on earth is part of one giant brilliantly designed puzzle. As our full, aligned and creative selves we seamlessly fit into the whole. When we hide, deny or subvert who we are, we are not being our whole self. This leaves gaps and missed connections.
Only as our worthy, deserving and vibrant selves can we fulfill our destiny.
If you’re entrenched in rescuing you may have people to which you feel bound. It’s not like you can just drop every out-of-balance relationship in this instant and begin living right here and now as your clear, filled-up, self-determined and creative self. It is a process of small changes, forgivenesses and epiphanies.
However you can get there.
Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. ~Parker Palmer
But it is up to you.
If you’re ready to commit to yourself, here are three powerful tools to build self-acceptance and self-trust:
- Daily Meditation
The best time and the best way for you to meditate is at the time and in the way you will actually do it. Pick the time of day that really works for you and make it a habit. If you don’t connect with the first meditation method, try more until you have one you really like. Learn more about the benefits.
- Emotional Clearing
Without training we can be strangers to our own emotions and controlled by them in certain ways. There are many superb clearning techniques like EFT, unification of opposites, and The Focusing Technique. True emotional clearing lets us feel old pain one last time as we release it forever.
- Develop Intuition & Inspiration
As amazing as it is, our conscious mind has SIGNIFICANTLY less processing capacity and speed than our subconscious. So even if you don’t believe in a higher mind or Angelic Guides there are scientific reasons to develop your intuition. I heard one presenter talk about her Intuition as “the best, most organized, smartest and most dedicated personal assistant I could ever have.” Who doesn’t want that?
What I discovered as I unraveled my hero complex — both wanting to be rescued and constantly rescuing others — was that each time I gave something away I did in fact (unconsciously) expect something in return. Sometimes it was loyalty, friendship or thanks. Sometimes it was more complicated, but each time I felt let down or betrayed by someone I had gone out of my way to help it was because they had failed to live up to the hidden contract I had made deep in my own mind as I offered my assistance.
Today it is clear if I did not have expectations I could not have felt let down. At the time it was just painful.